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Preface
As a rule of thumb I generally choose not to insinuate that how I perceive or experience anything is what any of my clients, peers, or anyone else will understand or agree with. However, I find it important to share that I have observed a distinct narrative, or set of patterns, within the scope of pregnancy & childbirth; particularly referring to the experiences of women which could, from this vantage point, direct itself in a problematically-oriented fashion. Rather, it reveals the wounds and unconscious motivational factors of many women within this quintessential part of the human experience, as well as, what I regard as a necessary approach toward solution-oriented healing. Understand that what is documented here is quite nuanced & requires awareness of subtle energy dynamics and human behavior. If you are not familiar with these areas of study, I highly suggest that you brush up on any of the multiple forms of shamanic trance, the mechanisms of uninterrupted physiological pregnancy and childbirth, psychology, somatic body & subtle energy work, “alternative” medicine practices & philosophy, past-life regression, memory transference through genetic and cellular information, and trauma-informed care to add more supportive context to the framework from which I am curating this essay.
Introduction
There are infinite versions of how we perceive and experience what is called reality occurring at any given point. Therefore although, yes, it is extremely important to acknowledge & be aware of the dangers, risks, mortality rates, pitfalls, false information, crimes, mistreatments & injustices that occur in the realms of birth, there are many other experiences & possibilities that do not get as much spotlight that are equally (if not more) important to know such as the pregnancies, births, miracles, empowerment, epiphanies, spiritual revelations, & positive transformations that go well— extremely well. Enough to give new generations hope, the optimism and pragmatic opportunity of a fresh start, and/or to guide the future waves of expecting mothers and families to recognize what is possible for them.
Ironically, even though there is much focus on avoiding trauma the true underlying desire women (and most people in general) want is to actually experience greater pleasure in life… and reach the ultimate state of bliss, however that path does not necessarily equate to escaping from our pain or power. In fact, it is quite literally the opposite. I believe that while people are well-intended, from my acquired & tentative application as a mother, birth witness & wisewoman, I have found it most helpful to cultivate an intimate awareness of those survival based perceptions, unconscious fears & traumas relevant to pregnancy & childbirth to differentiate when others are trying to prove, perhaps unconsciously through protesting, oversharing, begging, or seeking permission from an outside authority, that women are worthy enough or can earn (by fighting a system) better outcomes and experiences, whether personal or collective. When the lens of this sacred experience is framed from fragmented, unresolved traumas, and highly emotionally charged viewpoints, it is easy to carelessly overlook the very active & ancient trauma-informed care practices that have always centered wholeness and wellness, with or without the need for medical intervention, rather than overwhelming expecting mothers with the detailed specifics of each trauma they may (potentially) be vulnerable to.
If there is one very important thing to remember about trauma, it is that just talking about the trauma isn’t always helpful nor does it guarantee or indicate the initiation of the healing process that will radically shift outcomes. Being re-exposed or introduced to thoughts, emotions, memories, etc. of traumatic events without the proper framework, support, context, expertise, and the foundational requirements of both trust and safety can actually cause people to relive trauma or create those outcomes in ways that produce more harm.
I do not propose the solution here to be complete avoidance or delusion regarding atrocities either, as that could influence women to deny, neglect, or reject the realities of harsh occurrences in the birth world, encourage women to be unconsciously dependent on the societal expectation to perpetuate victim enabling scenarios during childbirth, solidify worldviews of disassociation as being “normal”, and/or create harmful and extreme perspectives about how things “should be” instead of how they actually are in real-time.
The goal is not to leave pregnant women ignorant, susceptible to abuse, without proper tools or defenses in place, nor to guide the experience from a state of constant guarding & hypervigilance but rather to share resources that result with mothers being fully informed enough to make their OWN decisions and to stand firm in the risks or consequences without fear of anyone else’s reaction nor the need of external approval or manipulation.
And so, I ask: what would be the resulting impact of exposing uninformed pregnant women to all the possible traumas they could experience before they even happen or are relevant to their conditions or states of being? Could this be a shadow aspect of the very thing many birth-workers claim to advocate against — unnecessary intervention for the sake of preventing potential harm during pregnancy & childbirth?
Are birth-workers truly different from {insert medical industrial complex worker here} when they are telling women, all of the ways that they could be abused, misled, lied to, manipulated, taken advantage of, etc. and that if they (birth-workers) are present that they can “save the day”? aka leading with fear… In general, I ponder when the egos of self-claimed righteous yet pretentious support systems will finally recognize that true service is not about being better than or deciding what should be true for the person you are serving… but rather what the person, the mother to be, decides for herself to be true, whether it is the “right choice or not” according to a collective value system.
Are birth workers willing to drop their pride and show up to offer unbiased, non-judgmental support that grants maidens and mothers the rite of passage — deciding whether they will muster the courage to cross through the threshold of motherhood & claim their birthright and power according to the Divine plan (how birth naturally unfolds)? To witness is to serve and extend compassion, love, grace, and honor for humanity’s ability to make choices and support them through each stage, regardless of our personal experiences and opinions on the matter. It is an embodied and self-less offering. It is devotional and serves the greater good of all.
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Let’s expand this conversation…
Many people, not just women, have been socially & culturally conditioned to perceive pregnancy & childbirth as a fear filled, costly, urgent, inconvenient, acceptable reason to blame others, and as one of the highest levels of traumatizing life experiences, even by those who work in the respective field. To many the imagery of birth is saturated with excruciating pain, chaos, blood, and ear-curdling screaming. I believe by constantly re-telling the stories of being systemically oppressed by an outside entity (which in truth has only been more recent in his/her-story) or that women are helpless without a human savior to chaperone their journey, that many women unconsciously believe or accept there will be a fight or resistance that needs to happen in order to give birth, no matter where they perceive the threats to be coming from.
When women are truly doing the inner work to be fully embodied we will naturally claim responsibility of our innate power to co-govern (with the Divine) not only our lives as women but also our pregnancies from pre-conception, through birth & beyond — then I believe we will see the biggest shift in humanity’s evolutionary path yet.
This shift will require women's steadfast acknowledgement & ownership of our power, influence, life experiences (removed from the hyper-feminist quest for equality), and to fully accept our birthright to make decisions for the betterment of the generations we will give birth to. It is all about the integral & authentic choices we will make, how we will perceive, ascribe meaning to, and will decide what happens in our lives AS WOMEN. There is nothing equal about this process. It is specific, intentional, and direct albeit in the ways of female/feminine mystery and mastery.
(Sidenote: I do, however, believe it is important to emphasize fairness and equity over what is equal, as these subtle differences can cost immeasurably more regarding reformation, change, and positive overall outcomes for all. This is also why I did not reject feminism as a whole but rather the sect that sees its overall objective “to be the same as anybody else, particularly men”, rather than pursuing the civil liberties that should innately be supportive of every personhood/human being such as respect, freedom/autonomy, etc. I cherish the privilege it is to live in an era where women can make choices that will benefit us and our children without needing to adhere to abuse, manipulation, or the resources of a partner, I honor that these liberties are the dreams of many matriarchal ancestors.) I also want to make clear that I am neither dismissing or belittling the very real and tangible effects of life as a result of conquest, colonization, imperialism, and the global (truthfully) illusionary & systematic distribution of white centered male dominance. Illusionary in the sense that it has not been ordained by the Most High Creator, more context for this statement will present itself in another essay regarding world views and sense outside of the Abrahamic sect of religion modernly identifiable as Christianity, Islam, and Judaism.
Embodiment grants us deeper intimacy & access to our truest selves. The willingness for all women to shift from perspectives that are inauthentic, regurgitated, fear based, and to instead start applying new pragmatic information, adopt helpful practices that center wholistic wellness, experimentation, self-reflection, immersion, updating our beliefs toward our pregnancies & birthing outcomes, as well as being solution & action oriented can catalyze varyingly improved outcomes amongst all demographics as a result of active, conscious, & intentional change.
I don’t just mean “thinking positively,” wishing on a star, or being so attached to a specific outcome that it leads to rigidity, inflexibility & stubbornness. Birth will never be an event that we can fully control. There is a beautiful and complementary antidote/medicine that masculinity & our male counterparts actually offer us, when the relations are healthy during this initiation. The support of witnessing us lose control/crash out without judgment, the tact and skillfulness to take off our armor then lead us into a structure of safety in a shared environment, the security of a fierce protector who will guard the life of you and your child fearlessly even at the risk of their own life… but more on that in another article. When I say focus on solutions, I mean getting to know who you truly are with all your vulnerabilities and dependencies acknowledged openly. There is an opportunity to assess what you believe or don’t believe spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally & psychologically about yourself, pregnancy, childbirth, women, motherhood, partnership/marriage, family, sex, death, & life, and then seeing if those beliefs are in alignment or harmony with the results you want to obtain.
Knowing these things internally will act as the clay from which you can then begin to mold the potential of your external experiences — using your heart as your inner-compass while also surrendering to the reality of what wants to be formed beyond your control. Birth is the ultimate state of surrender and this terrifies most modern women because we essentially experience a spiritual death to the versions of us that existed before becoming mothers.
Have you ever wanted to draw a picture of something then found yourself veering away from the design you originally envisioned? Sketching away, with reckless abandon, into the unplanned, unscheduled, chaotically imminent manifestation leaping from your tool of choice… and, to your surprise, the final outcome actually turned out to be even better than you had originally planned? Hold that thought… I also want to make it clear that this foundational understanding is not just helpful for pregnant women to focus on, but also, and especially, the people who are supporting them — which should (ideally) be everyone who was ever birthed.
I want to illustrate a few scenarios with the intention to help us integrate what has been discussed above in a (hopefully) more relatable cultural setting. The purpose of this is to curate a more tangible experience in the body & to see what comes up for you so please use your imagination as vividly as you can. We will start with an example that appears to be removed from birth but I want you to pay close attention to what pattern emerges. Then, we will make our way back to the topic at hand. You ready?
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For the first scenario, imagine a wedding fiasco involving two best friends — you are the maid of honor and your best friend is the bride. I will give you more details just trust the process… The second scenario will take place in an alternate universe, where you are a medical professional in the birth world, and your best friend is your pregnant client.
Key: Replace friend with doctor/client, the wedding with the event of birth, the color blue with intuitive birthing autonomy, and the color red with birth as medicalized pathology. Huh? I know this is multi-layered, but stay with me… I’ll do the work for you… this time ;)
Let’s start with the wedding. Say you think you look best in your favorite color, red, and your best friend wants you to wear blue, your least favorite color, at her wedding which is causing some conflict in your relationship.
A conscious decision would need to be made in order to resolve this issue and, frankly, if you’re truly a friend with her best interest at heart — a quite obvious one. Ideally, most people would put their friend before their personal wants not only because it is such an important life event for her but they also want for their friend to be happy.
But instead let’s just say… that you get anxious, irritable, start gaslighting, become manipulative, critical, fearful, frustrated, & downright annoyed with the thought of wearing blue. To the point where you fight to have your way until your friend changes their mind to match your opinion, sacrifices their true desires just to obtain your support/approval, and/or you make a scene, inviting other people, to bully or force her out of her wants and needs until the outcome you feel is better is actualized…
Are you starting to see what picture is being painted…? Well, let’s dive even deeper to assess where this reaction may be coming from and why it is happening? I will briefly curate a section elaborating on why knowing where these reactions come from is important and then I will revise the paragraph above with the keywords replaced to transport us to our alternate universe… See you don’t need to worry, I told you I got you! (Even though I’m sure your big, beautiful brain could plug everything in yourself, I want for this to be an absolutely clear message).
Most fear can be categorized simply in two: known or forgotten. To maintain the current flow we will expand the source of the maid of honor’s reaction to the trigger, the color blue. Engage your imagination, it’ll help you to understand. Remember: it’s only an example.
(TRIGGER WARNING Context: When you, the maid of honor, were 3 years old your grandfather was shot and killed while wearing a blue suit. Your grandmother, the sole matriarch of your lineage, forbade anyone else in the family to wear blue & labeled the color as a bad omen. Blue became associated with death, grief, upset, anguish, and heartbreak. Therefore, throughout most of your life you’ve been taught to avoid the color blue. You hyper-fixated on something positive, something that helped you soothe the discomfort. Your grandmother saw you were disturbed and encouraged everyone to wear red because red was safe & represented life. It unconsciously reminded her of the flowers your grandfather would buy her every Friday. In the present, as an adult over 30 years later, your friend’s request is now presenting itself as a threat to you because of this internalized fear. Something you were taught would ensure survival and safety.)
Now we’ve identified a hypothetical pattern for our analogy, the problem in this equation... How can we then create an optimal solution? Firstly, people cannot create a solution to something if they have not even identified a problem & if there is any expectation for those people to realize and accept something that challenges their pre-conceived beliefs, convictions, or perspectives, save space for peace in your heart should they ultimately choose not to — no matter how kindly or with what evidence you present them. The power then rests in you to make the best choices for yourself & not to blame them… It’s not personal, even though it could be extremely frustrating for you as someone who loves & supports them to find that it’s not reciprocated. In the case of the maid of honor, the fear was both known and forgotten (I do not believe we can be fearful of things we do not know because to not know is to be ignorant and to be ignorant is to be unaware, therefore fear is the result of the perceived or past imaginings or experiences of things we already know TO fear). Before we revise our original example, let’s tweak the origin story so that the grandfather being shot was a loved one who experienced complications during childbirth and the grandmother was a loved one who then had a fear of birthing outside of a hospital. Now, let’s revisit our paragraph with refreshed information…
“Let’s start with the event of birth. Say you are an OBGYN, and think medicalized birth is the best option, your client however wants to intuitively birth & have full-autonomy throughout her birthing experience (something you are clearly uncomfortable with) which is causing some conflict in your relationship. A conscious decision would need to be made in order to resolve this issue and, frankly, if you’re truly a doctor with HER best interest at heart — a quite obvious one. Ideally in a business, people would put their client before their personal wants not only because it is such an important life event but they also want for their client to be happy with their results. But instead let’s just say that you get anxious, irritable, dismissive, manipulative, critical, fearful, frustrated, & downright annoyed with the thought of her birthing the way she wants to. To the point where you fight to have your way unless/until your client changes her mind, sacrifices her true desires just to have your support/approval, and/or you make a scene, inviting other people, to bully or force her out of her wants and needs until the outcome you feel is better is actualized… Wow! Now that paints a different picture, doesn’t it?
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Do you now see more easily how the unconscious fears of the medical professional who meant well was getting in the way of the pregnant person enjoying their own experience based on beliefs & opinions that were taught to them? Could you see how you may also be BOTH of those people? Okay, so now you get me… It LITERALLY starts from within, whether you caused it directly or were effected by it indirectly. Even if a direct trauma didn’t happen to the OBGYN in this example, the inheritance of someone else’s belief could have the same effect on their decision making and worldview. This is why it is important to be clear on what it is that you value. It is your responsibility to make the shifts that are in accordance with what you want when you realize you have those desires & of course, it is always great to have help along the way.
People are hard-wired to go toward pleasure or move away from pain, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to do the opposite. You actively create a new habit by consistently teaching & giving yourself permission to release fear at every level by making new choices, which to some may present as going toward pain because there is no “guarantee” of safety. In truth, safety is never a guarantee but you can trust that everything will come and go. Change is the only constant. Remember when I said something about patterns?
Well, patterns are everywhere. The patterns reinforced in the body, brain, & nervous system, for example, vary for several reasons — one way, of many, is to communicate something to us. In the example, you (the doctor) believed that staying away from blue was for protection, so the pattern was that red was safe. Shifting your perspective would start with getting your body on board with new changes by reinforcing feelings of safety by choosing new behaviors, somatic/movement practices, shifting your beliefs/identity, etc. You would need to embrace change as a being a good thing. An appropriate pattern disruptor could be to… wear different colors and see what actually happens internally and externally when you wear them, including blue. See if you can disprove the previous thought/belief you held. If so, you would essentially become a new person or a different version of yourself because as new neural pathways form the physiological structure of the brain literally reflects a completely new way of processing information and thus how you experience life.
This is one, of many, more nuanced ways to reform the structures you have consciously or unconsciously created around your traumas and/or beliefs & where you can begin to “reprogram yourself.” (I will not go much more extensively into this because it is going to be centered in another article & this was already a hefty example section, which I’m still hoping I didn’t make too complex.) And truthfully, whatever a different color could represent in life you can apply the theoretical explanation I'm presenting here as a formula to figuring out how patterns are formed and how to go about replacing them with new ones.
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So, what is my focal point here? If birth is a spiritual and biological occurrence of co-creation at its purest form through shapeshifting & replicating at a cellular, even energetic level, then what exactly are we being shown about our current states through the mirrors of our collective experiences?
What is the current relationship we have with our own Souls/the Divine? This is not to say that certain people deserve to/are destined to suffer & have horrid outcomes because it is the will of God, gaslight by placing blame, nor is it meant to infer that there are only certain people who deserve to have positive ecstatic births because they are more worthy, luckier, or more fortunate than others… but rather to prompt investigation, reflection, and inquiry about the nature of our individual existences and how those perspectives, which are limited by nature, add to the information of the Akasha or Eternal Knowing (that which continues to exist as collective information of everything in existence, including the unmanifest potential of All). What we experience can be (re)purposed to serve a greater purpose for the Godhead.
How much of what is happening in the realms of birth is merely a recurring loop of projected & inherited trauma from past experiences? Whether it is systematic, ancestral, past-life related, ‘karmic,’ etc. I’d also like to highlight how many women are called to birth work as a result of their own traumatic birth experiences. I salute them, but also find it necessary to address how often and easily I’ve seen them get stuck in the savior/martyr complex regarding their service to others before doing their own inner healing work, which perpetuates some of these very fearful mentalities. Sometimes speaking from ‘experience’ can be more harmful than helpful to a novice who may blindly trust or even project their hopes/fantasies onto those birth workers who are viewed as “experts” then they are shocked to find themselves devastated while postpartum due to the sabotage from people who proclaimed to be helping them. When I say them, I am including myself in this group but separating the workers from the general collective.
To my fellow peers & mentors, this is a reminder to take time to analyze and become honestly aware of your own motives, intentions, beliefs, and fears in order to be clear on what you are offering as a birth worker to others and whether or not you can witness their experience from the space of being a witness— IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. From a wider vantage point, however, perhaps these traumatic experiences are what are simultaneously birthing more people to show up in this field as a spiritual initiation. Those who are divinely called will not walk on smooth, easy ground unless they are to follow the ways of the faithless who are uncertain and untrusting. We must choose to blaze the trail forward that was written in our bones cultivating fertile grounds for generations to reap the ripe harvest after.
I also ponder why there is much focus on what is not working? How can we create more solution-based approaches instead that lead from love rather than fear which will empower women & families to thrive during pregnancy & give birth without the subconscious belief of what could or might happen to her because of her complexion or her circumstances? Which voices are being drowned out because certain groups feel they are suffering more than others and therefore need more attention? Finally, when will WE decide to have better outcomes starting at the soul level…
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Now, this may be a very activating perspective to sit with, but I’m hypothesizing what is happening during births in the 3D plane which includes understanding when souls condense into physical bodies there is typically the trauma of feeling separated from the Divine. The specific instructions which were embedded into our DNA sequence commence their coding dance/pairing which were set to occur automatically and continuously unless or until the soul which animates the body consciously chooses to override them. What if we chose not to be on autopilot during pregnancy? During birth? During life? During death? What would the outcomes of our experiences be?
If we decided that failure was not an option & knew our success would be inevitable, what type of world would we create? No matter where our starting position in life was…
Ultimately, everyone has their own medicine. Some beings are warriors of the fight, others are warriors of the garden. I am still having a human experience & therefore choose to acknowledge fears I could subject myself to without attaching to or accepting those possibilities as outcomes so that I can move toward what I want. I trust the results I experience will serve something much bigger than I could have ever perceived & that if I don’t get the result I wanted it’s because something better is destined for me.
Therefore, in order to truly serve from a Divine place, I must continue to integrate all of my bitterness, resentment, hurt, wounded, broken, scattered, & worn parts with my joys, inspiration, pleasures, accomplishments, victories, bravery, trust, openness, and love. It is a lifelong commitment to my Self so that I can truly be devoted to You. I am here — working & waiting for you to remember all that you truly are too. Your birth — Your creation is Yours. I am just a witness, a listener of YOUR grand story and in that way, it becomes ours. So, pick up the pen, and decide what happens next…
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